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Archive for 'Disappointment'
The Brain is a Dark Country
The brain is a dark country. I travel there alone, lurching over its high roads and through its scourging vales. I believe that what happens to us is only a small part of our moods. The rest is a geology set down when we were in the womb, shaped by the fidgetings of life. At [...]
Posted: November 28th, 2012 under Depression, Disappointment.
Comments: none
No Celestial Reason
One by one, I’ve found old friends. I discovered most recently that one of these suffers from bipolar disorder like me. Another works as a walk-on in Hollywood. The fate of many others is unknown to me, but I haven’t seen them in the tabloids or the more respectable media. We don’t seem to have [...]
Posted: July 12th, 2010 under Disappointment.
Comments: 1
You Never Can Keep a Friend
After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs. Emily Dickinson I find the ease with which some people slough off accountability sociopathic: say you have a misunderstanding, a miscommunication. My practice is to get to the heart of the matter. If it is because I misread or misspoke, I quickly [...]
Posted: April 10th, 2010 under Disappointment, Reflections, Responsibility.
Comments: none
The Lost Panels
For a few years, I shuffled around companies in temporary jobs, hoping for a permanent position. One place that I worked was a computer mainframe manufacturing company in the days when the big computers were being replaced by Suns and smaller makes like the Apple and the multitudinous IBM-PC clones. My job was external expediter. [...]
Posted: March 16th, 2010 under Disappointment, Silicon Valley.
Comments: 1
A Good Ear and Cortez, Colorado
I’m at the computer late, my good habit of turning myself to bed at ten or so long abandoned. Playing solitaire, a game called Red and Black. And while I click on the cards against a red sunset, I think of a time when we found the one “California Cuisine” restaurant in Cortez, Colorado, not [...]
Posted: July 15th, 2007 under Disappointment, Vacations.
Comments: 3
Holding Back
Lately I’ve been holding back regarding my feelings on this blog, largely due to accusations that I was becoming obsessed with my illness and situations relating to it. This is funny because I spend most of my days doing crossword puzzles, going to the gym, reading, and not writing or talking to much of anyone [...]
Posted: November 17th, 2006 under Disappointment, Mania.
Comments: 7
Frustrations
I haven’t written a decent poem in several months. Everytime I increase my dose of Geodon, I am afflicted by new and interesting side effects. I am alone for most of the day tomorrow and have no idea what to do with my time. Had to cancel a trip to the Palm Springs Tramway and, [...]
Posted: July 30th, 2006 under Disappointment.
Comments: 4
Heart Needing a Rest Outside
I’ll make some time to cry about all this.
Posted: April 14th, 2006 under Anxiety, Disappointment.
Comments: 1
Black Hot Lava Bomb Narcissism
After the storm and well into the evening I thought about how life seems to have missed me.
Posted: March 3rd, 2006 under Daily Life, Depression, Disappointment.
Comments: 6
Blue Narwhals
If a blogger talks about blue narwhals, it behooves me to resist the temptation to correct them, to say “Narwhals are greyish white.”
Posted: February 2nd, 2006 under Disappointment, Reflections.
Comments: 2
Hard Knocks
That phrase is for quitters
Posted: January 22nd, 2006 under Disappointment, Stigma.
Comments: none
Ah, for the Rest of the Year
Happy Holidays. I miss the rest of the year.
Posted: November 30th, 2005 under Disappointment, Festivals.
Comments: 3