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“If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.”
by Julia Sorel

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Archive for 'Disappointment'

On Self Revelation and Its Risks

Self revelation is the most dicey thing that a blogger can do. You put yourself out there hoping for help and support, risking being attacked or ignored. Mental health bloggers have perceived this, I think — as well as sensed opportunities for fame — and made a transition to writing advice columns for people with […]

The Brain is a Dark Country

The brain is a dark country. I travel there alone, lurching over its high roads and through its scourging vales. I believe that what happens to us is only a small part of our moods. The rest is a geology set down when we were in the womb, shaped by the fidgetings of life. At […]

No Celestial Reason

One by one, I’ve found old friends. I discovered most recently that one of these suffers from bipolar disorder like me. Another works as a walk-on in Hollywood. The fate of many others is unknown to me, but I haven’t seen them in the tabloids or the more respectable media. We don’t seem to have […]

You Never Can Keep a Friend

After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs. Emily Dickinson I find the ease with which some people slough off accountability sociopathic: say you have a misunderstanding, a miscommunication. My practice is to get to the heart of the matter. If it is because I misread or misspoke, I quickly […]

The Lost Panels

For a few years, I shuffled around companies in temporary jobs, hoping for a permanent position. One place that I worked was a computer mainframe manufacturing company in the days when the big computers were being replaced by Suns and smaller makes like the Apple and the multitudinous IBM-PC clones. My job was external expediter. […]

A Good Ear and Cortez, Colorado

I’m at the computer late, my good habit of turning myself to bed at ten or so long abandoned. Playing solitaire, a game called Red and Black. And while I click on the cards against a red sunset, I think of a time when we found the one “California Cuisine” restaurant in Cortez, Colorado, not […]

Holding Back

Lately I’ve been holding back regarding my feelings on this blog, largely due to accusations that I was becoming obsessed with my illness and situations relating to it. This is funny because I spend most of my days doing crossword puzzles, going to the gym, reading, and not writing or talking to much of anyone […]

Frustrations

I haven’t written a decent poem in several months. Everytime I increase my dose of Geodon, I am afflicted by new and interesting side effects. I am alone for most of the day tomorrow and have no idea what to do with my time. Had to cancel a trip to the Palm Springs Tramway and, […]

Heart Needing a Rest Outside

I’ll make some time to cry about all this.

Black Hot Lava Bomb Narcissism

After the storm and well into the evening I thought about how life seems to have missed me.

Blue Narwhals

If a blogger talks about blue narwhals, it behooves me to resist the temptation to correct them, to say “Narwhals are greyish white.”

Hard Knocks

That phrase is for quitters