Archive for 'Mania'
I don’t think the answer is feeling guilty but part of my recovery has been to feel a proper amount of shame for the demonic releases that I perpetrated while I was high on my illness.
Alex Jones and others like him require some time in rehab.
I’ve seen many people in bipolar support groups counsel the newly diagnosed not to feel shame for things they did while they were in episode: it was the disease that did it, not them is the reasoning. This cleaving of the self, I think, does not help us get a handle on the illness and [...]
Sorry for my absence. I got word a few weeks ago that my mother had a glioblastoma growing in her head and had only a few weeks to live. Since then, I have been swinging from depression to mania and back again, with a day or two here and there where I feel neither condition. [...]
The anti-medication crowd among us bipolars sounds off in a strident voice. Medications, they tell us, are little more than an attempt by the pharmaceuticals industry to enslave us. According to them, psychotropics kill us and prevent us from experiencing the full impact of our glorious emotions1 . Psychiatrists are predators who don’t know how [...]
A friend of mine who is a mental health professional in Germany and I often watch a certain social media site for signs of distress among the denizens. Recently, I dropped her a note about one fellow who struck me as being on the proverbial roller coaster. She shuddered when she checked him out and [...]
For the depressed and the anxious, the silence of God is a scream.
Guilt is the mainstay of some of us who struggle with bipolar disorder. I saw my mind disintegrate during the nineties.
My endocrinologist tapped a few keys and brought up my latest bloodwork. She pursed her lips as she scanned the numbers. My triglycerides were too high, so she upped my Lipofen. Everything else was within proper balances. Except at the bottom of her study: my Vitamin D levels were excruciatingly low. I asked her what [...]
Last week had its difficulties. I dropped my new camera on the Harding Trail and jammed the zoom lens. The ring allowing me to move between focal lengths wouldn’t turn below 35mm. The autofocus motor whined without acting. Upper Modjeska Canyon heard my yells of frustration. In my solitude, I shouted at uncomfortable memories, the [...]
The excesses of impulse that characterize most manias do not apply to me most of the time I am in episode. Thoughts stream through my head. Incredible schemes surge across the two hemispheres of my brain. I keep these to myself, sure that if others see them they would prevent me from realizing my dreams. [...]
Descriptions of mania done by the performance artists we all turn into when the waves of emotion overwhelm us can include hands going to our temples with the cry “It feels like my head is going to explode!” Theatricality reveals truth if we observe what researchers have discovered in the course of revealing