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Archive for 'Uncertainty'

Edison Trail

Death showed me one of its faces here, where the dust holds a track until the next strong wind. The sun did not warm me on that day. The cold chewed on my hands and dusk shoved the light aside to make way for the darkness. A clump of toyon bushes stood at the high […]

Bipolar Cancer Husband No. 2

I must confess that I still feel a little selfish when I remind people that I am under stress — perhaps more stress than Lynn.

Relentless Self-Examination & the Loss of Genuineness

When they happen, I am a slave not to society, but to an odd sense of self.

Tired Pity

Every day, nearly, I meet a disturbed person, either online, in a support group, or, rarely, out in the world. The easiest, for me, are the hurt and disappointed by love: in their desperation the good in me can reach out and encourage them to pay no attention to the absence of affection in their […]

The World Turned Right Side Up

At the British surrender at Yorktown, the band played “The World Turned Upside Down”. Then as now a transfer of power took place. Certainly among the Americans — many of whom had been fighting for years — there must have been a difficult period: how do you go from being a warrior to a citizen? […]

Compliance and Complaint

A brief article at John Gale’s Mental Health Update notes that older psychiatric patients are more likely to take their meds than younger ones: A study of 32,991 people in the U.S. compared adherence to antipsychotic medication in older (over 60) and younger patients with bipolar disorder. The researchers found that among the older group […]

Therapy

Anyone else come out of a therapy session feeling that because something was nobody’s fault it’s all your fault?

These Worst of Deadening Times

9/11 begins with the personal — and especially with the direct human loss of individual lives — and expands outward from there to the broader ramifications for the world and its geopolitical landscape. In the centre of that meaning, at the personal end of the spectrum, I find feelings about loss (of loved ones), about […]

Sweet Maryjane is a Bitch

The news that marijuana increases the risk of psychosis does not surprise me. I believe that my first episode was ignited by the coals that burned in the bowl of a bong, coupled with a few sadists who used my altered state as an opportunity to brainwash me into a neat little paranoia. In those […]

The White Dunes

I would give my life to have a life again

Ogres and Monsters

So Maggs wants to know how I am…. The hero’s journey, we are told by Joseph Campbell and others, involves a place where one encounters monsters. By monsters, I mean creatures which do not eat the person. I’d love to meet some monsters in my life, but all I run into on this line are […]

Which Variety of Sloth?

The pill containers lay open. I heated a muffin in the microwave and thought that it would take ages for me to lay out the morning medications — two Effexor and a Cardizem. A hard prod from the forepart of my brain made me get the pill bottles and lay out the capsules — blue […]