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Archive for 'Bipolar Disorder'

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“There are certain difficult things that I need to do,” I told my therapist, “but I can’t do them now because I would enjoy them just too much.”

PTSD and Bipolar: Vampires in the Warehouse

“You’re controlling me,” he shot back. “I’m the facilitator of this group,” I replied. “I’m supposed to do that.”

The Same Places

I’ve been thinking less about what it means to live with bipolar disorder and more about what it means to be human. But I have not yet stopped looking at what is wrong with me — damn those memories that strobe in my brain at the slightest trigger — and moved on to being the […]

A Cage for my Chaos

People talk about being shocked by the diagnosis: The diagnosis did not throw me for a whirl — all the confusion stemmed from the sense of being different but not knowing how. When the hospital psychiatrist looked at me across the table and asked me if anyone had ever suggested to me that I was […]

Questioning the Whirlwind

I constantly question the whirlwind. There must be an answer. And that takes over the mind.

Voices

The mind is not only its own place, but its own population.

Typing Errors

Mistakes like this cause me to enter a highly vigilant state of mind.

Humility and Moods

Humility is neither blind optimism or blinding pessimism.

Guilt vs. Shame: Torture vs. Tool

I don’t think the answer is feeling guilty but part of my recovery has been to feel a proper amount of shame for the demonic releases that I perpetrated while I was high on my illness.

Gun Addiction

Alex Jones and others like him require some time in rehab.

Accountability and Loss of Memory

I’ve seen many people in bipolar support groups counsel the newly diagnosed not to feel shame for things they did while they were in episode: it was the disease that did it, not them is the reasoning. This cleaving of the self, I think, does not help us get a handle on the illness and […]

The Brain is a Dark Country

The brain is a dark country. I travel there alone, lurching over its high roads and through its scourging vales. I believe that what happens to us is only a small part of our moods. The rest is a geology set down when we were in the womb, shaped by the fidgetings of life. At […]