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Archive for 'Health'

Death, Luck, and Going On

I count my deaths. The times when I fell down and hit my head or hit it on the top of a door frame (a hazard of being six foot six and a half inches). The time when I ran a red light and nobody hit me. The time I put on the brakes in […]

Colors

“There are certain difficult things that I need to do,” I told my therapist, “but I can’t do them now because I would enjoy them just too much.”

On Self Revelation and Its Risks

Self revelation is the most dicey thing that a blogger can do. You put yourself out there hoping for help and support, risking being attacked or ignored. Mental health bloggers have perceived this, I think — as well as sensed opportunities for fame — and made a transition to writing advice columns for people with […]

PTSD and Bipolar: Vampires in the Warehouse

“You’re controlling me,” he shot back. “I’m the facilitator of this group,” I replied. “I’m supposed to do that.”

The Same Places

I’ve been thinking less about what it means to live with bipolar disorder and more about what it means to be human. But I have not yet stopped looking at what is wrong with me — damn those memories that strobe in my brain at the slightest trigger — and moved on to being the […]

A Cage for my Chaos

People talk about being shocked by the diagnosis: The diagnosis did not throw me for a whirl — all the confusion stemmed from the sense of being different but not knowing how. When the hospital psychiatrist looked at me across the table and asked me if anyone had ever suggested to me that I was […]

Questioning the Whirlwind

I constantly question the whirlwind. There must be an answer. And that takes over the mind.

Dream

The crowns in my mouth are falling off, leaving stubby posts where teeth once stood along the gum line.  (Which is what they actually look like underneath all that porcelain and gold.). Then top — just the top — of one of the molars comes off.  I pull it out of my mouth to find […]

Voices

The mind is not only its own place, but its own population.

Accident

The other day a trail biker ran me down.  Not out of malice, but due to ragged chance.  I heard the brakes screaming and a voice shouting behind me, so Instinct had me step to the right onto the grassy siding.   Alas, he had the same idea. The handlebars caught me in the small of […]

Typing Errors

Mistakes like this cause me to enter a highly vigilant state of mind.

Mustard Road: The Race

The bikes come singly or in pairs or triplets or, sometimes, squadrons. I listen for the whirr of spokes behind me and try to guess which way to jump when they get closer.