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Why I Am A Boring Bipolar

square324Last night, I began listing some of the reasons for which I fail to stack up as an “interesting” bipolar. What began as self pity turned comical. The list got longer and funnier as I drew from other blogs and memories of other bizarre behavior. Here are the deficits that I suffer from:

  • no extramarital affair
  • no children who also have the disease
  • no unfaithful wife
  • no screaming libido
  • no toilet in the middle of the living room
  • no homicidal urges
  • no suicidal ones
  • no desire to rule the planet
  • no collection of pictures of gore
  • no abortions
  • no immaculate conceptions
  • no larcenies
  • no embezzlements
  • no knives
  • no gun collection
  • no hallucinations
  • no weird neighbors
  • no money to squander
  • no religion
  • no conspiracy theories
  • no alien abduction
  • no sociopathy
  • no robberies
  • no hamsters up my anus
  • no gerbils there, either
  • no paranoia
  • no secret lover
  • no lover of the same-sex
  • no sexual relations with my cats
  • no rare diseases
  • no angelic consort
  • no cancer
  • no vacations
  • no screaming
  • no cats up my anus chasing the hamsters
  • no original paintings
  • no paint-by-the-numbers
  • no books to my credit
  • no purpose-driven life
  • no delusions (presently)
  • no arrests
  • no clitoris
  • no addictions
  • no herb teas
  • no fancy coffees
  • no tirimisu (I ate it)
  • no residence in Chicago (there are a LOT of bipolars in Chicago)

Comments

Aurora Identicon IconComment from Aurora
Time: 4/5/2006, 2:58 pm

“There are a LOT of bipolars in Chicago.”

Having lived in the area for 26 years before I moved (and I grew up there, too) it probably has a lot to do with the weather screwing with you in combination with all the dirt, pollution, and smokestack carcinogens from the steel factories and such.

Jacqui Identicon IconComment from Jacqui
Time: 4/5/2006, 3:04 pm

I love the list, just love it! Seems you may have a slight obsession with hamsters or things up your anus though …. LOL

Raine Identicon IconComment from Raine
Time: 4/5/2006, 3:29 pm

ok now- I totally match that list- except that I DO have a clitoris. However it didnt come from being bi-polar LOLOL. Any “iteresting things I have done-were all a long time ago before I even knew I was bi-polar and none of them included hamsters or cats LOL”

Tea Identicon IconComment from Tea
Time: 4/5/2006, 5:57 pm

This really made me laugh. Thanks.

Okay mine (you’ve already covered most of them):

-No abuse in my history physically/sexually/emotionally… NOTHING!
-No unsupportive family
-No belief that I’m God
-No score higher than a 150 on an IQ test
-No impulsive spending sprees on things I don’t need that happen anywhere other than Walgreens or OfficeMax.
-No spending sprees that exceed $50
-No drug addictions
-No public nudity or exhibitionism
-No STDs
-No cult membership past or present
-No veganism

Dull, dull, dull! Oh wait, I’m from Chicago :)

Maggs Identicon IconComment from Maggs
Time: 4/5/2006, 7:06 pm

Well, I don’t have a lot of those either.

Oh, and, I’M BACK BABY!

Sid Identicon IconComment from Sid
Time: 4/5/2006, 8:38 pm

Interesting list, but just because you don’t have all those doesn’t mean you’re not an interesting bipolar. If you weren’t at least mildly interesting, I wouldn’t be here reading this.

Btw, I agree, there are a lot of bipolars in Chicago. Most of the folks I meet in groups & stuff and during my lovely inpatient stays are dx’d bipolar. Wonder if it’s the weather or the fact that they keep showing commercials for Sonic but no one knows where there is one around here.

Tea Identicon IconComment from Tea
Time: 4/6/2006, 3:55 pm

Oh my god Sid. It all makes sense now. THE SONIC COMMERCIALS!

Those things drive me (more) insane. Why tempt people by running ads for sugary and fatty fast food and the cruelly deny them the experience to actually buy your product?

bIPOLARprincess Identicon IconComment from bIPOLARprincess
Time: 4/6/2006, 9:24 pm

I totally had something witty to say until I read Sid’s “Sonic” comment. It’s a conspiracy! No wonder!

No one in my family believes that I’m bipolar because I don’t have anything on the list either, except for the screaming, the clitoris and the screaming libido, which the lithium took care of (great, the only benefit to bipolar).

tristan forward Identicon IconComment from tristan forward
Time: 4/7/2006, 10:15 am

why ! you’re almost saintly ! great list ! a classic !