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Why I Am A Boring Bipolar

Posted on April 5, 2006 in Irony & Sarcasm

square324Last night, I began listing some of the reasons for which I fail to stack up as an “interesting” bipolar. What began as self pity turned comical. The list got longer and funnier as I drew from other blogs and memories of other bizarre behavior. Here are the deficits that I suffer from:

  • no extramarital affair
  • no children who also have the disease
  • no unfaithful wife
  • no screaming libido
  • no toilet in the middle of the living room
  • no homicidal urges
  • no suicidal ones
  • no desire to rule the planet
  • no collection of pictures of gore
  • no abortions
  • no immaculate conceptions
  • no larcenies
  • no embezzlements
  • no knives
  • no gun collection
  • no hallucinations
  • no weird neighbors
  • no money to squander
  • no religion
  • no conspiracy theories
  • no alien abduction
  • no sociopathy
  • no robberies
  • no hamsters up my anus
  • no gerbils there, either
  • no paranoia
  • no secret lover
  • no lover of the same-sex
  • no sexual relations with my cats
  • no rare diseases
  • no angelic consort
  • no cancer
  • no vacations
  • no screaming
  • no cats up my anus chasing the hamsters
  • no original paintings
  • no paint-by-the-numbers
  • no books to my credit
  • no purpose-driven life
  • no delusions (presently)
  • no arrests
  • no clitoris
  • no addictions
  • no herb teas
  • no fancy coffees
  • no tirimisu (I ate it)
  • no residence in Chicago (there are a LOT of bipolars in Chicago)

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