is there a point a point at all to anything we do? we do so much we try so hard is there any point at all? why bother to learn? to better ourselves?? for what? what the fuck for? I wonder often I cant stop asking what is the point? I just dont get it spend 30 years give or take a few learning in schools spend some of that and most of the next 50 working your ass to death is thhere a point to this maddness? is there a point to this life? can anyone tell me? why do I hate me so much? why everything seems so hopeless I see so much I see so different yet knowing this helps not so what do i do? where do I go? when allI can do is sit here hurting so I hurt in ways many cant fathom I yearn for the release I promised away why am I so stupid?? why am I forced to live this way? what is wrong with my mind? I ask and i ask yet I recieve no answers are there answers? I dont know yet I am slowly losing hope I feel I will never find them I am a lost cause I am a hopeless case pay no attention to me I am full of questions you need not answer I matter not my questions matter not simply leave me be alone in my misery go on with your life while you question it not as i dwell in mine questioning its worth
I look around I see with pained eyes my eyes arre the eyes of one who has seen to much of one who knows to much I know to muich of what you ask? Life, people, the way things work I see no point to anything I see things so complex yet they appear so simple to me you cant fathom what I see I have seen to much I have felt to much I know to much of life my eyes show it all I know they do so i try to hide them mask them away keep from others what they need not know keep those young souls young when you feel you are old yet live in a body so young many people dont take you seriously yet I still see to much what are you to do? hide from the world it is all you can do and hope they dont find out when they need not know what you do
where in this world does value lie? where in this world is peace? in what in this world can you find happiness? if you answer of things you know nothing material things mean nothing what is in a house? a rug, a brick, a statue maybe many things you own but do not need and a few things that you may need to survive but many more you dont yet if it were all to dissapear and all that you had left were a few close friends and family members a special pet or two would you not still have all that was important? you would still have with you the most valuable things you could ever be with what is in possessions? nothing! absolutly nothing! a bit of dirt, a wire or two easily bought, more easily broken yet life, friendship it is not easily made i know this but do you know this life is amazing I dont know where it comes from But its not something we can make it can not be sold in a store but it is easy taken away it is eaily hurt friendships are hard made and easly torn apart words carefully woven can build stron friends words carelessly thrown can destroy a life and material possesioons are the worst ffor when they come around greed is one thing that destroys many friends and yet when it is all said and done what will you have to say? at the end of your days what do you want to say? that you had many things? or you had many friends? you fixed many things? or you helped many people? the choice is up to youu my friend I hope you realize this. Just be careful with wht you say and do words are a weapon and also a tool a two sided sword watch how you use it you can use it to mend and you can use it to destroy it is your choice how you use it be careful how you use it remember the choice is up to you
I sit alone yet in a crowd alone in a crowd how, you ask, can that be? I wonder myself at times yet I make it so so how could I not know? I hide inside me within my my misery crying out to others though no one can hear I hurt always in one form or another yet no one can see I wont let them I lock myself away in a corner of my mind where no one can see me no one can see what I am no one can see the pain I am in no one can pretend to care so I sit alone, alone in the crowd hating myself in pain and alone knowing that to come out means only more pain still so I will just hide it feels safer somehow maybe it is because it is what i have always done I may never come out I may never learn Just leave me alone dont worry about me why should you anyway? why would you even bother? just look at me! there is nothing special here! it is just me! a worthless mass of fat ugly flesh given a name so common among people and what is in a name? a name is a lable someting to answer to I have given up trying to seek out annswers so why should it matter to any of you if I were to live or die? if I killed myself tonight why should you miss me? you cant say you would! no one in this crowd can I sit alone here no one here knows me I sit here in this massive crowd talking to no one alone in the crowd destined to be alone always alone forever lonely forever and miserable always
Tune out, Tune in wonder what is going on Tune out, Tune in My mind like a radio I get tired, bored, or overwhelmed I tune you out after a while i start to wonder what is going on I tune back in to the rest of the world what is going on? I look around I listen a bit I wonder for a while and I tune it back out It is safer in my world much nicer in my little corner so I tune out the world I walk through the halls I see everything and I see nothing I get where I need to seeing everything and nothing I cant handle the world and the world cant handle me so I tune out the world and live inside a corner of me I tune you out I rarely tune in I may need to at times for a class or two but at all other times after I get the assignment get the directions back into my corner I go I tune you all out again from my corner I see everything different I see different, I hear different nothing holds me here yet you the reader dont understand you cant fathom what I say who is this person you ask who lives inside her head? how can it be you think that she keeps the world away dont try to hide it I hear it in your thoughts I feel it from your mind I see what you think I feel what you feel i feel everyone aound me I hear everyone around me I never chose to be able to I never asked to be this way Yet you dont understand do you? you dont understand what it is like to feel the emotions from everyone to see thoughts from everyone to see memories from everyone that you feel you have no right to touch yet have no choice but to see when there is no control there is no choice so it is simply safer for me to tune you all out safer for us all I tune it out I tune you all out I try to help when I can to help those I know need help I take on others pain so that they need not bear it they will feel better whilei never do but why should I feel better? I will just tune it out it is safer that way just tune everything out I will hide in my corner alone with my misery and many others just tune it all out life has no meaning so take one day at a time tune it all out thats all I can do just tune it all out when there is no point to anything tune everything out
I wander around school watching everything and watching nothing what do I see? I see many people I feel them as well it overloads my mind sometimes othertimes not I see many things in them I often know not what to think so many young souls so innocent so unsure they dont know where they're going they dont know what to do they act on impulse they do what they want wich is only what they want at that time they test their limits ones set by others who know not what limits should be set yet when it is all said and done they will eventually realize what I see now all of that is pointless everything we do is meaningless material things hold no value yet what does? will they ever find out? I hope that some someday do I myself on on the search still know the answer I do not I may never find it yet perhaps one of them will maybe one of them will find out why we are here at all and then we wont all be wandering little children lost and alone with nowhere to go we will have that answer to the question everyone asks at one time or another then perhaps with that answer it will be possible to be happy I do notknow for sure but I can dream cant I?
I try to stop it I try to block it out I try to keep from feeling them from feeling everyone around me and from seeing the way i see but I cant avoid it no not me I cant avoid seeing what i see I cant avoid feeling what i feel I see the faces I feel what they feel I cant push it out I have no control its easier to handle though when I just start to see that behind all those faces behind all those minds behind every though in the back of every young soul there remains a question needing to be asked only I am asking already yet have yet to find an answer what is the point of living? why do we wander around trying to make the best of it all when there is no best there is nothing more we have no proof we can not see they cant see it only I can theres only me and the people I see the people I see and feel just me
I keep trying to find out if its just one thing but if its just one thing that thing is me if one thing is wrong with me its that I exist at all I'm sick of me that thing I see I am so tired of it all I dont know what to do I see a monster yet I'm constantly told somthing else what do others see that I dont? I see a creature unworthy of love I see a monster that deserves to hurt I see a pitiful, discusting creature that will never ammount to anything yet everyone tells me thhey see something else what do they see? I dont understand I just dont understand they tell me what I see is wrong they tell me to stop and look I look,I tell them what I see they tell me look again I continue to starre i coninue to hate they continue to love I continue to not understand I just dont get it, what is going on why do people care about me? me of all things , me why me? why do people care about a a thing like me? I just dont understand I suppose I'll never understand
dont look into my eyes keep your eyes away they hurt me keep them from me dont look into my eyes please dont make me look into your eyes the eyes are said to be a window to the soul yet I see so much more than that dont make me look in please I beg you! dont make me look in you dont make me see you I dont want pieces of your memories i dont want you in my head keep my eyes from you keep your eyes from me avery my eyes I will Please avert yours as well everyone will be safer keep them all away please I beg you I cant handle it to many eyes,to many minds to many people with jum bled memories dont ask me to sort them please keep them away dont make me meet them please dont make me I cant sort them I cant handle them Just leave me be avert your eyes and I will avert mine as well please do this for me please do this I beg
Liife is a monster
it brings you in
it throws you down
it beats yiou , and beats you
on into the ground
you can beg death to come
the deliverer from life
but he comes when he wishes
you can only cry out
you may wish all you want
yet the deliverer comes not
while Life the emotional murderer
beats you into the rocks
harder, longer. the pain goes on
and still Death, the deliverer wont come
you can try to escape Life
that torturous beast
you can try to make the deliverer come
but unless he is willing
to give you your way
Life laughs in your face
and just causes more pain
you live on with Life
and all the torture it gives
the worst torturer of all
that is Life , yes it is
For death the deliverer
is all that is wanted
Life the mind killer
I hate Life so
It burdens us all
yet some more than others
yet all we can do is go on with our lives
and ait for the deliverer to come
I run off, all alone I find myself alone in a room drowning, in a pool of tears and so I sit, unable to stop crying, crying. nonstop crying why do i cry? By now I know not why It starts as stress that i am unable to contain and from that stress flows everything i have locked away I lock away everything I hide it from me I keep it away where no one can see yet one thing leaks out and from that one thing that for the average person woulld need not a tear I begin to drown in a pool of tears I cant contain it It wont stop and so I sit not knowing why as everything pours out all my sorrows all my questions alone where no one will know till I can hide it once more just drowning in mypool of tears